My New Perspective: God's Love

I fear that soon (if it's not already too late) this blog will be smothered in baby-talk overload, but I can't stop myself! I see everything with a new perspective... Work has become simply what it always was, "just a job" although I didn't realize it until now. When trying to pick a car, it's now all about the safety features, less about the cool gadgets or sweet rims. Even shopping has changed, I haven't seen the inside of a mall in months, but I can give you all the details on who carries the cutest little tiny man clothes. The list goes on and on...

The most profound change, the concept my emotions couldn't really grasp, the thing I have taken so for granted until now was God's love for us... for me.

I debated writing this post because (a) I don't want to get all preachy on you, (b) realistically my understanding and grasp on this concept is still very childlike, it's something I'll never truly be able to comprehend, and most importantly (c) I can't begin to do God's love justice with my words. So I put it off. I waited a week or two. But it keeps coming back to me. Today while procrastinating from writing tomorrow's post, I was flipping through this month's Southern Living and saw this quote:

"Motherhood often means being blindsided by 

grief and grace, sometimes both at once"

~Allison Glock, The Moments

 

 

She got me... That was exactly the clash of emotion I felt in church a few weeks ago. I was that crazy lady with tears rolling down my face during praise and worship, the one you feel so sad for because clearly something is wrong or hard or upsetting. I was that person I've said a quick silent prayer for - "Lord be with that poor woman in whatever she is going through. Let her feel your love." - as I witnessed her tears fall. But here's the ironic part, my tears were not a result of something bad, my tears were because I felt God's love like I've never felt it before. Funny because the stranger ladies I've prayed for in the past may have actually been praying for me at the exact same time - "Lord be with that girl that's just enjoying this pretty song. Let her feel your love."

 

Bear with me as I'm going to do my best to explain. Hopefully, if you're a parent you'll know exactly what I'm talking about... And if you aren't a parent yet, maybe, just maybe you'll get a quick little glimpse into what amazing love looks like. And maybe not... This feeling or realization that I experienced didn't stem from hearing something new for the first time, it was a direct result of a new type of love that I'm experiencing. There is a good chance you won't be able to "get it" until you're experiencing it yourself, but nevertheless I'll give it my best shot.

 

So I was singing along to a song we've sang at LifeChurch many, many times and the words started to sink in...

 

Your love never fails,

it never gives up,

it never runs out on me.

~Jesus Culture, One Thing Remains

 

I thought about that as I continued to sing - never fails, never gives up, never runs out... and my heart acknowledged that was the type of love I've experienced from my parents and family my whole life... The same type of love that Brandon has shown me time and time again. This was nothing new, but something that I've been blessed to have been the recipient of since my first breath. And then realization #1 struck - this is how I will feel about our Cooper. My love for him will never fail. My love will never give up on him. My love for him will never, ever run out. Regardless of how good or bad he acts. No matter if he becomes a preacher or a drug dealer. No matter if he tells me daily that he loves me or if he refuses to speak to me for years at a time. My love will NEVER stop for him. It is not conditional in any way, shape or form. He can do nothing to cause it to end and he doesn't have to do anything to make it start. It is exactly what it is - a love so big, so true, so genuine that it never fails, never gives up and never runs out. And my heart felt so full that I thought it might explode right out of my chest...

 

And then came realization #2 - God loves me just like that and SO MUCH MORE. I can do nothing to cause it to end and I didn't have to do anything to make it start. His love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me. Wow. And my heart felt so overwhelmed by this gift that I thought it might explode right out of my chest...

 

I was still just standing there in complete awe with this warm fuzzy feeling when the next song started...

 

So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned,

 

and I'm feeling it... I was raised in an old school Baptist church... I'm not an "arms high" type of praiser, but I was seriously considering it at this point.

 

in awe of the One who gave it all.

 

Hit the brakes! Stop! Whoa!! Don't go any further... What did that just say? "In awe of the One who gave it all."

 

Again this is not a new concept for me. I know how this goes frontwards and back. It's the first verse you learn in Bible School when you aren't even in first grade yet. It's the story we hear every Easter. It's the little silver cross necklace we wear or the key chain we've had since seventh grade.

 

For God so loved the world

that he gave his only son,

that whosoever believes in Him

 will not perish but have eternal life.

~John 3:16

 

See, you know that one... But let's break it down a little bit:

 

"For God so loved the world..." Okay, got that part - God loves me, you and everybody else (See realization #1 and #2 above).

 

"...that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." This is the hurdle most people struggle with. All you have to do is believe in Him and you get eternal life? Yes. Yes, you read that correctly. You don't have to become a missionary. You aren't required to memorize 100 Bible verses. You don't have to attend every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night church service for the rest of time. You just have to admit you're a sinner, believe that God sent his son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay for your sins and confess that He is Lord of your life. It's seriously that easy. Alright, so I got that taken care of yearsssss ago. But wait, did I just miss something?

 

"...that he gave his only son..." Oh yeah, that's the part that totally got me. In awe of the One who gave it all. There's your understatement of the day.

 

Remember realization #1 - the part where I love Cooper so much that my heart was about to explode? Well realization #3 hit when I thought about this verse, this song, this Easter story, this cross I've carried since 7th grade, and I thought about how God loved me - a little small town girl from Oklahoma - so much that he SENT (not let his son, not allowed his son, but SENT, DIRECTED, MADE his son), his Cooper, to die on a big, painful, ugly cross so that I - little ol' Raegan King, a sinner who will never be worthy of this gift - could have eternal life.

 

Wow. wow. wow. wow. wow. Let that sink in... Re-read... Re-read it again.

 

As a parent/spouse/sister, you would step in front of a train for your child/spouse/little brother or sister without thinking twice. You would take a bullet, you would try to move a mountain... you would never fail, never give up, never run out on them. We're talking about serious, unconditional, fall on the sword type of love for someone. God has that for me and for you and for every single person out there that he sacrificed his most special, most loved, most perfect, treasured possession for us. He gave Jesus, his son, his Cooper for me. And for you.

And the song finished, but the tears continued...
 

I'll stand, my soul Lord to you surrender,

all I am is yours.

~Hillsong, I'll Stand

I can't shake it. I can't explain it. But I want to try to share it... I've always known God loved me. I have always been a firm believer in this, in my salvation. But today, I have a new perspective. Today, I came a little closer to understanding God's love. I am blindsided by grief over God's sacrifice and the undeserved grace that resulted from it. I could not be more humbled... more thankful... more in awe.

Be Blessed.
Raegan